Im rly confused here.

[Marius]

How do you deal with guilt. I mean like if someone you truly loved did something hurtful..Then lets say you run off and do something exactly as hurtful as they did.Cause i feel really worse than i did before Is it possible to get passed it? Or do you press on and give up trying.See i found out from another female whom i can't stand already that like early this year around January. She & D.R slept together. I got angry and rushed into the arms of another man. So i told D.R everything. But it hurts ya kno im afraid that we may never trust the way we did before. IDK what does one do to get passed something like this. ? Im sorry everyone this is painful for me to even type without tears. I need strong good advice so it could help me decide what to do next.

[Hydra]

He's to blame for breaking your trust, and you're just to blame as he is for seeking revenge. It didn't help the situation any by you going to another man in the time you needed to sort things out with DR. Now I'm guessing you've hit rock bottom with him, and you're trying to crawl your way back up?

If you two love each other, then forget your regrets and try again. As long as you have regrets for one another, there's no way you can fully trust the other. And what's marriage without trust? Yer married, right? You'd be lying to the other if you won't let go. It's hard to bare, I know, but all you can do is either leave each other and go on with your lives, or start anew.

There's only so many times you can do something before you just get sick of it, right? If this ever happens again, with either of you, IMO, you aren't right for each other. I can understand that a man has weaknesses that makes him do things he wouldn't normally do.( I get that way sometimes. D: ) But still, there's no excuse for what he did. And all you did was add fuel to the fire. Now taming that fire is going to be as hard as ever.

It's not going to be easy to trust each other again, but like I said, if you truly love him, and he truly feels the same about you, just put it all behind you, and start over. You have children, and it'd get VERY complicatied if you gave up now. It's your decision, but I think you two should try it one more time. For the sake of a second chance, and your children. It'll be rocky at the start, but I think you two can pull through. Just don't let anything that drastic happen again, or you'll be right where you are now. Broken, scarred, and having second thoughts. And that's a bad way to feel.

.....

(Insert Bible quote from Reason)

~Finish~

:3 I'm kidding reason. But seriously, does anything else have anything to say about this? If you two have any questions, or need reassurance, just post here. Or PM me one. Either one.

[Marius]

He's to blame for breaking your trust, and you're just to blame as he is for seeking revenge. It didn't help the situation any by you going to another man in the time you needed to sort things out with DR. Now I'm guessing you've hit rock bottom with him, and you're trying to crawl your way back up?

If you two love each other, then forget your regrets and try again. As long as you have regrets for one another, there's no way you can fully trust the other. And what's marriage without trust? Yer married, right? You'd be lying to the other if you won't let go. It's hard to bare, I know, but all you can do is either leave each other and go on with your lives, or start anew.

There's only so many times you can do something before you just get sick of it, right? If this ever happens again, with either of you, IMO, you aren't right for each other. I can understand that a man has weaknesses that makes him do things he wouldn't normally do.( I get that way sometimes. D: ) But still, there's no excuse for what he did. And all you did was add fuel to the fire. Now taming that fire is going to be as hard as ever.

It's not going to be easy to trust each other again, but like I said, if you truly love him, and he truly feels the same about you, just put it all behind you, and start over. You have children, and it'd get VERY complicatied if you gave up now. It's your decision, but I think you two should try it one more time. For the sake of a second chance, and your children. It'll be rocky at the start, but I think you two can pull through. Just don't let anything that drastic happen again, or you'll be right where you are now. Broken, scarred, and having second thoughts. And that's a bad way to feel.

.....

(Insert Bible quote from Reason)

~Finish~

:3 I'm kidding reason. But seriously, does anything else have anything to say about this? If you two have any questions, or need reassurance, just post here. Or PM me one. Either one.

Exactly what i was feeling the other night.Im rly afraid for him right now. he's been rly distant & meloncholy and i kno he's got every reason to feel that way.....I just don't want him to get arrested..............again. But your right about one thing we gotta think about the kids. Poor carlos was sooo upset when D.R left the house when i told him everything. He's been drinkin excessively and i kno whenever he goes there someone gets their butt kicked or he gets arrested...I want to talk to him so he could calm down some how..but he keeps roaming in and out the house....but im gonna fix this i have to. thanks hydra.

[Hydra]

You just have to make him sit down and talk about it. He's got to be aware of the consequences, and what's at stake. We guys don't really think about that all the time, but we think about taking the pain away, and he's just probably numbing the pain. And everytime the numbing goes away, he just goes to numb it again, right? It's not the right thing to do, but it's hard to face your problems.

Just have a long talk with him, and consider everything. Your lives, your relationship, your future, your children. You'll get something straight. Good luck. =D

[Marius]

thank you. im gonna do my best to fix this mess. your right we can't fix our mistakes but it can hurt more to remain hurt and unresolved...we have to find a way to heal if we are to get passed this.

[Hydra]

You two need to work together. It'd be in vain if one of you didn't learn anything about this. ^^;

But again, good luck. I know you two can do it, but you just have to work hard and put it behind you. Starting new is the most important part. It makes sure you don't have any regrets, and you're ready to focus on the future, and not the past, and to be smarter than you were in the past. Just remember that.

[Marius]

gotcha..we just gotta stay further away from my ex & that female..whom i rly feel like cussing out right now . but enough is enough they've been trying to break us up from day one..im not gonna let them win. D.R you were right. just in case you read this . when you come home lets talk ok.

[Darkreno]

i kno meeha.., its ok now ..dang girl you got me drunk and emotional here. look we both screwed up majorly.but to honest 7 kat helped me see this you would've hurt me more if you'd have carried the lie with you.unlike me i was the one who kept it bottled up thinkin i would never have to deal with it. but i think it would 've killed me had you continued to lie to me.now seeing as im able to feel that way i realize that thats what i did. i killed you with my lie & thats what led you to do what you did. im deeply upset and very sorry over this. but i kno who i rly want who i've alwayz wanted and im blessed to still have by my side.when you & kat revealed the song you puton your profile.man it brought back a lot of good memories. i listened to it and realized we are worth fightin for.this time you found me.

[Phoenix Flame]

(Insert Bible quote from Reason)

~Finish~



I know you were kidding Jake, but please don't use my spirituality as a pun.

Dre, a lot of what you put in that last post I can really relate to (seeing as I did the same thing you did.) Its was easy to be deceived into thinking that my sin wouldn't come back to haunt me. I just thought that life would go on, that I wouldn't have to talk about it.

- but it came back to bite me in the ass. :( As I've told Merie, the most important thing is that you both learn from your mistakes. IMHO, the first mistake you made was getting drunk that night...or any night. Yeah, its fun...at least for a little while, but wrecking a relationship or your life...or becoming an alcoholic isn't worth any amount of 'fun.' It definitely won't improve your quality of life any. I'm not saying DON'T DRINK, and I'm not perfect. You can choose not to listen to me and that's fine, but I'm only trying to help.

*cough* that goes for you too Merie *cough cough*

D:

Perhaps it would help if you two sought counseling from a couple you both respect? Perhaps it may be time to do some goal-setting of your own? Whatever happens, I wish you both all the happiness and blessings God can give you.

[clief101_]

yeh, i can relate back to this situation aswell, except the keeping it from my girlfriend part

if ive learnt anything about u 2 from listening to u in this forum, its that u do love eachother very much, and that something like this shouldnt break u 2 apart, especially if u both did the same thing...fair enuf, D.R was in the rong coz he kept it from u and even did it in the first place, but Marius is in the rong aswell for doing the same thing instead of talking to D.R

we all make mistakes, and there only made because your wound up in the heat of the moment...if i were u 2, i wuldnt let sumthing like this get in the way of sumthing so much better. bsides, now that this has happened and u no how much pain has been caused by it, im sure that neither of u wants to do it again, so therfore u'll do everything u can to oppose the temptation, trust me wen i say u can get past it, and it wont taske as long as u think it will, especially if u try and act the same way towards eachotha b4 this all happened, u'll soon go, 'wat were we mad/sad about again?'

[blackstar]

From personal experience, Find a time you two can be alone and sit down and talk about it explain your thoughts and feeling take turns talking about it and then when your both done forgive each other and forget about it.

[Phoenix Flame]

Blackstar....


Forgiveness does not = forgetting. TRUST ME! 0.0!

[Kat]

From personal experience, Find a time you two can be alone and sit down and talk about it explain your thoughts and feeling take turns talking about it and then when your both done forgive each other and forget about it.i agree with my homie.
=]


Blackstar....


Forgiveness does not = forgetting. always worked for me. =/

[Hydra]

When it's something this big, you can't just forgive and forget. You have to work hard, and regain everything you lost. That doesn't mean it never happened, and that doesn't mean you can ignore it and make it go away, because it'll always rear it's head when you least expect it. o.o;

[clief101_]

dun worry peeps...everything will work out 4 u 2, i jus no it!!!

[Doctor]

I like the point that Reason made. You CANNOT and SHOULD NOT just forget about something like this, because this is a situation that you can grow, and learn from....I've been through some experiences myself that I thought I would never get anything out of, and I wanted to just wallow in my own misery. But we're all human...we all go through these things nearly the same way, even when you don't realize it.

But I'm just a teenager...I couldn't POSSIBLY know what it really takes to keep a relationship together, and a strong one like you and D.R. have.

You should follow everyone else's advice, and keep this in mind; if you're going to get over it, and if you guys are going to forgive each other, do it for your children, as well, if you really do love them and each other....(I don't know how many kids you have, so I'm guessing. XP )

And I'm sorry that I had to disagree with you, blackstar...but yeah, you can't just forget about things like this and pretend that they never happened. =P

[blackstar]

I never said it would be quick and forget may not be the correct term but you understand what i mean. And Reason i said im my exp. that doesnt mean it works for everyone.

[clief101_]

But I'm just a teenager...I couldn't POSSIBLY know what it really takes to keep a relationship together, and a strong one like you and D.R. have.

im sorry but i duno if u were being sarcastic or not about this, but i have to say that even tho ur a teenager, that dusnt mean u dont know anything...im only a teenager and i bet i no more about this stuff then alot of ppl out there...not that im trying to make myself look big or anytin, but i just know it...its like its already in my head i duno...but yeh

anyway, i only partially no u and D.R, and from the sounds of it u both want to move on from this

[Phoenix Flame]

o_o'' I'll...just........go by what I said originally. XD

However, I don't know ANYONE who's ever forgotten a major wrong that was done to them. You might get over it and push it to the back of your mind, but the first thing that reminds you of that person and it comes back...and you may have to remind yourself that you've forgiven that person...if you HAVE forgiven them that is.

...difficult to believe how time heals wounds though...even major ones. But the scars of this life only make you stronger - if you let them.

[clief101_]

i agrre with reason...u cant just 4get about it coz its always goin to haunt u if u do...u have to deal wif it so solve the problem...

ive realised this convo is startin to change to jus a way of how to solve any1's problems...not jus D.R's and Marius's

[Phoenix Flame]

Hmmm...you're kinda right.

To be helpful, I'm going to say a blanket statement like "you two should try to talk about things to make it through" or 'do it for your kids' isn't what's going to help....BTW you guys, they're Merie's kids if I remember correctly.

What I've found is that most people want the breakthroughs but aren't willing to go through the breakdowns to get to em. That's like saying you want the rainbow but no rain. Bottom line is, you are going to have difficulties if you two stay together. You have to be committed to going over, around, or under any problem you two face together - if not, it's better you two go your seperate ways now, then drag it on and worsen things for both of you.

I knew it wasn't going to work out with my ex - but I dragged things out because I was blinded by my love and I thought that with enough effort and 'trying hard' to change myself that things would change for us, but they only got worse until what we were left with was one great big ball o s#!+ ...

Umm...that's it. Hope it helps.

[clief101_]

yeh...ya cant stay 2getha for reasons like because of the kids...its just rong....but i no u 2 will pull it all together, suk it up and try and get past it

[blackstar]

To clarify by what i meant by forget is sorta what reason said dont "forget" but dont let it be your main concern learn from it and dont let it happen again but dont dwell on it for the rest of yuour life

[Marius]

thankx everyone you guys are awesome....needles to say D.R would be here......if only he didn't pummel my ex and scrape up his hands...he looks like a cross from satan or the mummy right about now..but he's doin better now....man i rly wanted to avoid all this drama..but we've been talking and spendin more time together. its like we didn't kno things we kno now ya kno?? its like a different kind of us...its changed in a better way now. perhaps all this drama rly brought us closer..i kno we can never forget what happened but i kno if we never press on and dwell in our mistake we'd be empty inside. it would linger there and hurt us if we allowed it to go there..that wouldn't be right especially for the kids.Carlos is happy he gots his daddy back.now leeloo gots her human punching bag too lol..

[Doctor]

yeh...ya cant stay 2getha for reasons like because of the kids...its just rong....but i no u 2 will pull it all together, suk it up and try and get past it

Alright alright...I get it. It was wrong for me to say "do it for the kids" and blah blah blah. And blackstar, I guess you weren't completely wrong. You've made yourself clear; that's fine.

And Marius, I'm very glad for you at this time...I'm happy that the experience enabled the two of you to grow closer, and that you both may have learned something from it. =]

[blackstar]

thankx everyone you guys are awesome....needles to say D.R would be here......if only he didn't pummel my ex and scrape up his hands...he looks like a cross from satan or the mummy right about now..but he's doin better now....man i rly wanted to avoid all this drama..but we've been talking and spendin more time together. its like we didn't kno things we kno now ya kno?? its like a different kind of us...its changed in a better way now. perhaps all this drama rly brought us closer..i kno we can never forget what happened but i kno if we never press on and dwell in our mistake we'd be empty inside. it would linger there and hurt us if we allowed it to go there..that wouldn't be right especially for the kids.Carlos is happy he gots his daddy back.now leeloo gots her human punching bag too lol..
*claps* I probably diddnt help much but im really glad everythings getting better now.

[Shinra Soldier 1]

These things will pass, but it's harder for me to give advice, the longest relationship i've ever had was like, two months? It hurts at first, but hey you'll get over it, you have to! People seem to think we need someone else to be with us to complete us, but you just gotta have friends

[Dhruv]

dun worry peeps...everything will work out 4 u 2, i jus no it!!!

Yeah, it always does.