The sun began to spill over the peaks of the eastern mountains, painting a stream of orange beneath an otherwise shady sky. The airship glided through the clouds with ease, and despite the looming danger, seemed peaceful.
Pale hands resting on the rail of the deck, Titania looked down at the rivers and lakes below. From in the clouds they seemed so insignificant.
So
tiny.
And yet she knew that if you were walking through them, they would be almost impossibly complicated. Such were things. You live through them for an eternity, and then when they’re over, they seem all a
moment. So fast.
So small.
She stared at the rings on her fingers -symbols of her life in Madain Sari. As the air chilled and thickened, she realized that she could no longer remember what it was they stood for. It was as if something had pushed the memories from her mind and now all that she had were these remnants of a moment gone by. Even the sunrise –once a sign of life and comfort- seemed hollow. There was some meaning in it she had lost, and though she struggled and grasped to remember, it tore away from her like a frightened bird.
“You’re such a fool…” she muttered to herself out loud, as she took off her rings and dropped them into her apron.
“You are.” Came a voice; it was Belial’s “And more than I thought. Since when does the priestess talk to herself?”
His tone always annoyed her and had a way of making her angry, yet she was not scared of him. In her mind, she had no reason to be.
“Since when? Since Spades couldn’t even be strong enough to rescue himself,” She muttered, a new bitterness in her voice “since he needed help from his friend.”
“The poor bastard didn’t rescue me.” Belial answered with an aggravatingly calm tone, obviously better at this game than his new opponent was “He came and got himself in trouble and
I had to save
his ass.”
Titania laughed, but it was not pleasant “And that’s why you were so dazed when you returned.”
“I was ‘dazed’ because I did all the work.” He answered.
“Fine.” She lied “I believe you. Now go off and let me be.”
This was too much. How could she think to be so dismissive of Belial? As soon as the words emerged from her mouth, she regretted them and prepared for any kind of pain that might result. Surprisingly, there was none.
Syne watched the conversation from where she sat, and finally turned away, making her way across the ship to where there was plenty of room.
When she had first come, it had seemed as if everyone knew more than her, but now that she had gained her footing, it became clear that she was the only one who understood. While they all smiled to each other and worked for whatever obscure goal it was that they had, they were all at the same time dying. It was as if she were on a ship of ghosts; a place full of hollow people who were crumbling into themselves while at the same time saying how great they felt. She wondered about this- how and when each of them had given up and retreated into an internal cave, shrinking away from the sunlight and withering away into corpses. How long had they hid themselves for? How long would it be until she did the same?
She drew her sword and swung it at an invisible creature, playing back the techniques in her head.
Step, swing, step, pull.
Step, swing, step, pull.
This way, she shut the world out for a time and lived for the pulse of her hands, the beat of her heart; this way she could hide and forget; this way, she too, gave up.
*
“What troubles thy mind, Malice?” asked Glenn as he climbed to the upper deck “Hast thine eyes not met the joy of sleep in these past hours?”
“…”
“Thou hast stirred for all the night, then?” Glenn remarked, taking a seat next to his companion “Fret not, if that is all that troubles thee. For we have all experienc’d such dilemma. It passes and should bring no burden beyond this day.”
“It is not
unrest that bothers me, Glenn.” Malice answered, after some silence “Maybe I seem upset, but . I’m only just planning what we’re going to do when we arrive.”
“Ah, hast thou knowledge of the land, then?”
“…I do…” he said, sounding surprised by his own answer.
“Then it is best that you do plan. Shall I leave you?”
“If you’d like…” Malice answered.
Glenn rose and turned away “It is still dawn. Prithee, sleep now and later we shall all bear the load. Do not continue, else thou shall find thyself beneath the weight of anxiety.” He smiled and disappeared into the fleeting darkness.
For a moment Malice thought, but as he saw Belial cross the deck, he was reminded of the task at hand.
Titania turned and stared at him as he disappeared into his thoughts. She began to move toward the upper deck, but something stopped her; some force wrapped around her like a serpent, holding her back and whispering in her ear. As she stared upward, the ghostly stranger met her gaze with his hollow, glossy, tired eyes, making her realize how many miles and how many walls they had begun to build between them. It seemed that the same thoughts passed through both minds, though neither spoke and neither moved.
As the air fell cold in the orange sky, Titania turned to look off the deck, unable to watch any longer. To her, he had seemed so distant.
So
small.