[Zerlina]

((Beautiful post, FFnut *applause*


I know I’ve done the post right before, so I’ll post this and then skip my next turn.))



Titania withdrew her hand as she saw him cry, and let herself fall, folding her legs to kneel as she buried her face in her hands. Her tears soaked her light hair, and her shivering, pink fingers as her sobs echoed through the tunnel’s hollow walls.

The way Noah had spoken to her- the way he had pointed out her shame…it brought up a hatred in herself she could not bear. She wanted to stop, yet at the same time, she could not let go of her desire for vengeance. Past, present- she could no longer tell the difference- and so all she could do was sob, her chest crumbling in on itself as she did so. The pain spread to her palms, and as the tears flowed over her skin, they glowed with a white, ethereal aura, hitting the ground and disappearing.

“This whole time…” she muttered between exasperated breaths “We thought that it was Kani who had destroyed us…but it…it never was…

…we came together to fight him, but what made us fail was my own hatred…I was the one who gave him the power to win.”

She fell forward, catching herself with her shaking hands, still too ashamed to look at the others

“I…I couldn’t let go. I couldn’t accept Gadriel’s d…” she trailed off, struggling with the word “…death…

He promised he would come back for me- and I gave up everything…I turned my back on the immortals…I only wanted to be with him. It was so foolish, but…he was my everything…the only person in the world who ever saw me as Llideah- not as someone who could help them advance their army. He loved me, and even though I knew it was wrong…I loved him- love him.

Noah…what you said to me that day…it broke my heart again. It made me hate you. Hate… I had never felt it in my life…not until Gadriel died. Then all of a sudden, it was the only thing I understood. I hated the world. I hated the gods. I hated myself.

It was I who created the demon who gave Kani all of that terrible power- that destroyed him…that destroyed all of us. It was born from my hatred and strengthened by my power. Unknowingly, I fed it, eventually turning what was once a mortal enemy into a godly king.

What I did was unforgivable and caused everything that we’re living through today. It’s what trapped us- what made Variel seal us away. He was the wisest one- the one who knew what terrible power lay beneath my innocent appearance.

Judge me.

Go ahead. Judge me like you did that day. You thought that you knew pain, and you spoke to me of your friend’s death. You thought you were relating to me, yet you only seemed to spit in my face. Did you honestly think that because Variel died your whole world was over? It was never so.

You weren’t kept away from society. You weren’t isolated by that damn pool- three inches of water standing in the way of the rest of the world. Didn’t anyone know that I never wanted to be a priestess? I never wanted to live every day alone. I was put there because I was cursed- cursed with prophecy that others abused in order to gain power.

Gadriel…he was the only one who I ever loved…and he offered to take me away from that terrible life. All of that loneliness. Noah, I never had any family…never any friends… nothing but gods who never answered my prayers. When he came to me, and spoke so kindly, so sincerely…when he visited me every day, asking questions about things of unimportance simply to make an excuse...

He spoke to me like this, every day for a year, never crossing Ishtar’s pool. Never entering my realm of loneliness.

It wasn’t until the gods sent me a vision so powerful that I lost consciousness, that he crossed into my reality. When I awoke, I found myself in his arms. Part of me was afraid for the wrath of the gods, but a stronger part of me made me stay. I stared into those eyes that I had only seen through the screen of the blessed camphor’s smoke, and I expected to see the same fear in him. But…there was none. He had no regard –no reason to be afraid. He had only joy and relief in his eyes- the first for our closeness, and the latter for my conciousness.

That was when he told me about the world I had been so long denied. He described things I had never really seen- things I could only imagine from seeing them in the pool. I…I was too afraid to leave then…to walk across the water… I had lived in the temple too long to be unafraid of the outside world. When he offered, I refused, for I feared the immortals.

Until then I didn’t know that he did not.

He carried me over, not caring that his boots tread through holy waters. When he set me down on the other side he… he made me realize how foolish I had been. I had crossed into the realm of others, and nothing had happened. There was no thunder, no sign of vengeance from the sky. I blocked out better judgment, and decided that it must have been what the immortals wanted- that they wouldn’t punish us. I didn’t realize that they meant to cause us the ultimate suffering- to deny us a life together..

I was so foolish…our happiness was so fragile. But I was too blind to see that- imagine…the prophetess blinded by her own emotion. I thought that the world was wonderful when it revolved around one person. I never thought of what would happen when that person was suddenly gone. I…I wasn’t prepared for the emptiness…for the abandonment.

What was I to do? Was I to return to the temple? No- I had offended the gods. Was I to go out on my own? There was no way to after years of being cloistered.

I was afraid…afraid and angry…with nowhere to go. And what’s more, I was full of hatred for the man who I knew had caused everything- who had taken Gadriel away.

I had only met him twice, and after that it was his generals who had come to see me. I knew that many hated him, though I was never certain why. All I knew was what Gadriel had forced me to look at. All I knew was the fire…the pain…the death that he had caused. I filled in the blanks, so filled with hatred that I believed it all must have been true.

That’s why I joined you. That’s why I tried to take Gadriel’s place…to avenge him...”

Titania turned, outstretching her hand so as to heal him; never daring to touch him for shame.

“I’m not asking you to forgive me...” She began, tears still streaming down her face “But I’m asking you to forgive Gadriel. He…he never meant to take Variel’s life…and he doesn’t deserve your hatred.

Nobody deserves hatred.”

Titania looked at Glenn, Syne, and Kirby each in turn, her eyes settling on the ground as she thought of what she had done- both in the past and the present “If you were only there…if you had that same image in your head- knowing if you had only reached out and caught him before he ran…knowing there were a million things that could have stopped what happened. Perhaps if your days, too, would be haunted by “what ifs”… perhaps then you could understand.

She finally let her gaze travel upward, sorrow on her tear-soaked face “I only want him back…” she whispered, closing her eyes as she struggled to explain all the wordless emotions she felt “Without him, there’s only emptiness- only loss.

Glenn, I…I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to hate…but…for me there’s no more tomorrow…no more world to live in- no more reason to love.”