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**Phoenix Flame** · 12-22-2006, 09:17 AM

Ok,...time to own up. Maybe someone will learn something from my experience. Last year I cheated on my gf. It did not come to sex...but might as well have because that's how she felt. She has always had a difficult time with trust and to do something like that to her was trust shattering. I believe what Avathar said about not doing it even for the 'right' reasons. It may seem right to you at the time, (for me it felt right because of anger, misunderstandings and insecurity) but you will inevitably ruin everything...your self-respect, self-image and feelings of self-worth. It really sucks. I eventually came clean because I really did/do love my gf and wanted to put it all behind me. I hoped that we could work things out and for a short while (a week or so) it worked. Afterwards, though, she couldn't handle it anymore and broke it off with me. I was devastated. I went from thinking she was the one, to unsure and confused (cheating) to being 100% sure, to losing her...I thought for good. However, after about 3 months of silence, she called me one day because her good friend AND grandmother passed in the same week - and she needed someone to talk to. I was there for her and we've been rebuilding trust ever since. It's been a long, difficult journey: but very worth it. I love her and know that there is nothing that will ever tear me away from her like that again...I would even understand it if she decided to cheat on me (for similar reasons or for revenge or just because.) No one deserves what I did to her. Every day I wake up I remind myself of it ~ because I don't want to repeat the past. I mostly use it as a rear-view mirror, but every once in a while she will be insecure and ask me again how she can be sure I'll ALWAYS be there for her, and "I just know" doesn't cut it...you know? I know because I would rather die/kill myself than lose her again. I know because I'm writing this post now. I know because she is my Sun - the center of my universe. I know because EVERY SINGLE DAY WE WERE APART I thought of her and missed her and longed for her. She is my ewe lamb. My partner and my lifesaver.

So, er...John; do you forever hate me?

12-22-2006, 09:17 AM	#10
Phoenix Flame Go Umbarbar do my bidding Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: By myself. It's lonely ;-; Posts: 3,044	Re: Cheating Ok,...time to own up. Maybe someone will learn something from my experience. Last year I cheated on my gf. It did not come to sex...but might as well have because that's how she felt. She has always had a difficult time with trust and to do something like that to her was trust shattering. I believe what Avathar said about not doing it even for the 'right' reasons. It may seem right to you at the time, (for me it felt right because of anger, misunderstandings and insecurity) but you will inevitably ruin everything...your self-respect, self-image and feelings of self-worth. It really sucks. I eventually came clean because I really did/do love my gf and wanted to put it all behind me. I hoped that we could work things out and for a short while (a week or so) it worked. Afterwards, though, she couldn't handle it anymore and broke it off with me. I was devastated. I went from thinking she was the one, to unsure and confused (cheating) to being 100% sure, to losing her...I thought for good. However, after about 3 months of silence, she called me one day because her good friend AND grandmother passed in the same week - and she needed someone to talk to. I was there for her and we've been rebuilding trust ever since. It's been a long, difficult journey: but very worth it. I love her and know that there is nothing that will ever tear me away from her like that again...I would even understand it if she decided to cheat on me (for similar reasons or for revenge or just because.) No one deserves what I did to her. Every day I wake up I remind myself of it ~ because I don't want to repeat the past. I mostly use it as a rear-view mirror, but every once in a while she will be insecure and ask me again how she can be sure I'll ALWAYS be there for her, and "I just know" doesn't cut it...you know? I know because I would rather die/kill myself than lose her again. I know because I'm writing this post now. I know because she is my Sun - the center of my universe. I know because EVERY SINGLE DAY WE WERE APART I thought of her and missed her and longed for her. She is my ewe lamb. My partner and my lifesaver. So, er...John; do you forever hate me? __________________ Fight, if there is something to fight for. Never give in, or give up - but ALWAYS give. Choose your battles wisely. You only get one shot at life. Follow your heart.