Cheating

[Phoenix Flame]

Did I already answer those questions Kat? Back when I admitted I cheated on my ex? 0.o I think if you re-read my posts you'd see just how confused I was. I remember being very upset also at the time...not that that excuses my behavior.

...more on this topic later. >_>

 

[Kat]

Well, since you last posted about that like 5 million years ago, and exactly 44209000092000k weeks ago..

No I haven't read them.
-_-

 

[Phoenix Flame]

XDD;

It was only 1 1/2 years back. ;p

I'll drudge up the past another night...not into thinking about it again at the present 'mo.

 

[Doctor]

Cheating...

Most think that cheating is a despicable act that should never be committed. But people cheat anyway, even though they realize what they're doing, the consequences of their spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend finding out, etc. Why? Why do we commit most of our oh-so horrible acts of whatever the hell they are anyway?

It's because we're all human. You can't be perfect. Cheating on someone, especially someone very close to you IS a terrible thing to do, and it's not like you're ASLEEP while you're doing it, you're quite consious and aware. But a huge part of being a human being is doing very, very STUPID things. Sure, we may regret it forever or for however long it takes us to forgive ourselves for doing something stupid, but that's the thing; if we can't forgive ourselves first, how can we expect anyone else to forgive us as well? How can we at least learn from what we've done?

And yes, some people DON'T regret doing horribly stupid things. But you have to forgive them anyway, because we're ALL HUMAN, AND WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES. My very point being, we shouldn't make out our mistakes to be as unsightly and as anger-inducing as they seem to be.

I've been cheated on before myself. And after four months, I'm STILL angry about it. But I'm not going as far as to say, "He's a f'in bastard who did this JUST so that he could hurt me, blah blah blah." I have forgiven him. And I doubt that I'll stay angry forever.

And for those of you who are still thinking, "Cheaters are f'in SCUM AND THEY ALL SHOULD JUST ROT IN A DITCH AND RAWR RAWR RAWR," think about this instead; "I pity those people for being so damn stupid. I pity them for not being able to LEARN after making such a bad mistake."

 

[Leon]

GOD!


i dont know u but i dont need a sign from the skies to tell me that u're an american n i swear to kick myself in the balls if u werent! (not that im holding a grudge in particular against u or them or anything at all)

one of the things i despise most in my life is stereotypical stuff (again, strictly nothing personnal against u or anyone else in the world)

and that is the one of most stereotypical and redundant excuses -based on the always growing and decieving propaganda- that i ever hear from anyone!


Stereotype:
We're only humans :

Case: The ever-typical excuse u get from any wrong commiter ranging from those who forgot to wash their teeth to baby rapers.

Reply: Yes we ARE humans, but u dont see us killin ppl n sayin we'r only human, we dont go around blowin kids' heads off with a shotgun n go sayin we'r only human. as far as i see it, that excuse could only work for animals n such per say that their brain isnt as functionnal as ours to be responsible for their actions till a certain limit (i only bolded this so show that im not an extremist and agree that we're responsible for our actions til a certain limit, love cheating IS in these limits since it's not a small error or an involuntary instinct). So NO, bad and stupid things are NOT a natural instinct of ours... more of an excuse to encourage the wrong doers is all. A good example would be another civilization different from america in which ethics is relatively higher (and im saying that unbiasedly) say japan (which is actually an extreme case IMO) where cheaters ratio is considerable a lot less thus less enviromental influence on ppl and spreading the ideaology that.... according to ur saying Doctor "Most ppl do it". How many japaneese do u find making mistakes and blame it on the fact that they r only human? how many of them are even familiar with that term at all? For a fact, it's not a group of my friends in there for sure as they laughed -hard 0.0"- when i was ranting about that term u repeatedly used "....we're only human". i hope my point is getting clearer, it's just like saying the devil made me do it or whatever the hell makes ya feel better about a mistake that while not as horrible as killin, u should be responsible about it.
my feelins r gettin out of hand here....
i mean if a girl who has a boy love her since he was a kid and tells him she shares his same feeling, WHY THE HECK WOULD SHE GO N HAVE SEX W/SOMEONE, ANYONE ELSE? OR SHOULD I ASK HOW COULD SHE? HELL MIGHT AS WELL INVITE HER HEARTBROKEN GUY TO WATCH SINCE WE'RE ONLY HUMAN AN NONE OF US IS PERFECT AN ALL.....

*mellows down* o.o
wow! that felt GREAT to say!

now, bout forgiving themselves n all that, before readin this part note that while seemingly radically different, it's my own inexperienced oppinion with no facts involved seeing as i've never been a cheater in my life:
i think the right feeling should be the burn that ignites within u whenever u're temped or confused while balancing out whether u should go back to ur old ways or not. a burning that pains u inside n clears ur mind immediately of ANY doubts about how horribly u could damage ur other significant one. no need to make it a drama soap opera or japanime show by "forgivin urself or not", actually u could NOT forgive urself, but in a healthy way such that it serves u as a warning line that u should never cross, i peel the term to make as simple as that.

Now from paragraph 3 til the end;
anger-inducing? i dont know, makes me feel like useless if i dont get angry -not that its my best quality - about 1 on cheating on another, so how do u think ill act if I get cheated on? to be honest i wouldnt know, maybe i'll be tempted to break someone or maybe ill break down n cry.....
in WHATEVER the case, my anger will not blindfold me from any facts or rational thinking.i mean u wont find me bithchin n sayin, yeh she cheated on me just to hurt me! so nah im not gonna be havin blind-hating ravings.... i know that much! n ill admit it, ur standards to how OK is it to cheat are really different than mine Doctor.N in my stupid opinion, i blame ur enviroment (~ country's cheating ppl ratio, the endless shows including cheating love affairs etc.) that it has affected ur judgement n detoriated it from what i consider (and i speak here only on my own behalf) a good persepective bout cheating -according to my own enviroment and influences in my turn-.
i dont know, i dont seem to be makin a lot of sense or havin a point in this paragraph so ill end it here!

 

[Spec Highwind]

Claps to Leon. Seriously.

I can find a big difference in European and American mentality, that's normal, we're really different.

 

[Doctor]

I stand corrected.

 

[Phoenix Flame]

Someday, I'd love to sit down and disect the excuses I gave myself to cheat...the reasons I told myself that I was justified. I think that part of that voice was programming/the culture/etc., but the other part was something dark, malevolent, sollen and basted in isolation and cooked in anger. Everyone has their own excuses/reasons for cheating, but that doesn't give the individual any right to hurt their significant other like that. As far as forgiving themselves...I think that that's really up to the individual. It took me a while to accept what happened and seek forgiveness. I think you can really only find that in humility. I can identify with the ignorance of my surrounding culture, but I think Leon's right. When the day ends, we all have to own-up to what we did with that day. And while cheating may be less on the scale of a game of 'who's the biggest loser,' the potential and realized consequences aren't worth a few fleeting moments of enjoyment. When its staring you in the face and its your emotions on the line - the decision might not look as befitting as to what's going on in your heart and how you feel...but you should always take the other person's feelings into consideration. How would YOU feel if they did this to you? Honestly?



This is just a side note: watch the language from now on...that goes for everyone. Anger doesn't excuse breaking rules either y'know. ;p

 

[Leon]

hmmm i wonder what doctor said before phoenix edited that? (yeh, i fixed mypost too)
probably was a bit upset bout my swearin, anyway, sry doc, when u get to know me well enough like the others here u'll know that if there's a thorn in my side i take it out even if i have to cut my self open. so yeh, im sometimes incontrolable with the stuff i say, n everyone's experienced it.... it was just ur turn!

so language behaviour, right!

Now, to phoenix's post!
well ASIDE from influences an all that, i'll use doctor's words to describe this, i despair from someone who cheats while believing whatever reason he has is worth it, n phoenix said it best:

the potential and realized consequences aren't worth a few fleeting moments of enjoyment.

i mean it's like one of 2 cases:
1- U either DONT cheat on ur other one 2- U break up, n b free to do whatever u want
i just cant see anything in between that shouldnt lead to one of the 2 situations!

ur post cheered me up btw! not because u think im right, but because u considered my oppinion open mindedly while it was concerning ur own country. who knows, i might b wrong, but the fact that u're considering all possibilities feels just right

 

[Phoenix Flame]

Actually...she just unneccessarily quoted you...that HUGE quote was just there...and then her changing her mind...so I took out the quote. ^^ Her reply is the same now as it was prior to me editing it...much as yours was SIMILAR...but different. =3

 

[froggboy604]

No since cheating hurts feelings. People should try to be honest and say "I like someone else more then you. Lets break up because this wouldn't work out" instead of being dishonest.

 

[Phoenix Flame]

...or even: 'I'm sorry, but I've met someone that I want to get to know a little more and see where it leads. I don't want to hurt your feelings, so I'm being honest with you and I hope you respect that....blah blah blah' ...or something similar.