joke contest

[Greendragon]

OKAY THE CONTEST IS NOW OVER.. AND THE WINNER IS SPIFF!! ILL START ANOTHER CONTEST SOON. ONCE I MAKE MORE GIL.

THE DONATE FUNCTION DOSENT WORK?!...GRRRRR.

I KEEP GETTIN
"There are none of this item left!"
WHEN I TRY TO DONATE 200 GILL TO SPIFF...

Spiff, remember that i owe you 200 gill once the donate thing is fixed. ill write it down, but just in case i lose it, remember.

sorry about this..i probably should of checked this function out before i started this contest...again sorry everyone.

 

[Zeromus_X]

Yes, I would second keeping it clean. You should all know where the line is. So let's not go there.

At any rate, I'll wait for the next poster, since I suck at telling jokes.

 

[Greendragon]

not to start this thread off topic, but i sent a pm to shaggy (just found a random admin ) asking him to try and set some really clear rules that should be used for this thread, cuz it can become really fun, as long as people know exactly where the line is. so as not to start this off badly heres a quick joke. not terribly funny...=(

why cant ray charles (blind) read...






beacuse hes dead.

 

[Luis]

I think an important thing to take into consideration is that humour sense is really different from a country to another (you can see it in films, for example). E.g.:The humour sense in france is very different from the one in UK... Just wanted to say that
Go with the jokes!

 

[Hydra]

lol....

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

 

[Avathar]

I wish my lawn was emo, so it could cut itself.

 

[Hydra]

That's bad and so clever at the same time.

 

[Spiff]

Work vs Prison....

This ones great...

Just in case you ever got the two mixed up. This should make things a
bit clearer.
IN PRISON.. you spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK... you spend the majority of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.
IN PRISON...you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it.
IN PRISON...you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK...you get more work for good behavior.
IN PRISON...the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK..you must carry around a security card and open all the doors
for yourself.
IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON...you get your own toilet.
AT WORK...you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.
IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK...you can't even speak to your family.
IN PRISON...the taxpayers pay all expenses with no work required.
AT WORK...you get to pay all the expenses to go to work, and then they
deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON...you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK...you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside
bars.
IN PRISON...you must deal with sadistic wardens
AT WORK...they are called managers
Have a Great Day at WORK !!!

 

[Hydra]

LOL, nice one.

 

[darkshadow2247]

i dont know any clean jokes

 

[Greendragon]

lol nice ones,
Hydra:
Blonde/paint = 8/10
Avathar
emo = 8/10
Spiff
work/prison = 7.5/10
nice ones guys keep em' comin'

Standings (Top Three)

1. Hydra, Avathar
2. Spiff
3. N/A

 

[Spiff]

I got this one from my Uncle.

Headlines from the year 2029:

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the AmericanTerritory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-years, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals, violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

Now, send this to whoever you want to and as many as you want and guess what....NOTHING will happen. No miracles, no money, absolutely nothing, except you might make someone smile.

 

[Zeromus_X]

That was really xD

 

[Staircase]

"France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica."

LMFAO, I KNEW IT!! I knew france would fall to either Jamaica, Antartica, or Australlia.

 

[darkshadow2247]

lmao thats one of the funniest things i've ever read.

the sad part about it is that there is a hint of truth in it

 

[Kat]

this really isnt that funny but.
once there was this blond she was thirsty so she decided to go to the pop machine to get somthing to drink.so she walked to the pop machine and she put her money in,a couple seconds later the pop fell down,the blond's face turned red with excitement and she screamed,"I won, I won!!

 

[Greendragon]

"Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut."

wow....awesome.. 9.5/10.....great...hooray for spiff

good one kat. =D 7/10

 

[Kat]

this one is also a blond joke.....
there was a brunette and she was jumping on the rail road track saying 21,21,21,21.
and this blond heard her saying it so she walked up to the brunette and asked if she could join the brunette said,"go ahead its really fun." so they both jumped on the track saying 21 over and over.pretty soon the blond heard the train coming and she kept jumping but said,"the train is coming." the brunette shrugged her shoulders and said it wouldnt hit them so they kept jumping.then just befor the train hit the brunette jumped of and the blond stayed on....after the train had hit the blond,the brunette jumped back on singing 22,22,22,22.

 

[Greendragon]

LOL nice. 9/10

 

[Kat]

my last blond joke=)

there was a blond,a brunette, and a red head.
they all went and robbed the food market after they robbed it the police were looking for them so they hid in burlap sacks [potatoe bags].the first cop walked by the brunette and she said,"MEOW." then he walked by the red head she said,"RUFF,RUFF." and alas he walked by the blond and she said,"P-O-TA-TO-E." in the end she got arrested for stealing a bunch of carrots.